HetaOni: Look Around Yourself
by Everlasting Faerie Light
Summary: A HetaOni fic about Italy writing the letter to his future self in a previous time loop. Tearjerker. Rated T for blood.


It's hopeless. I know that it's happening again.

I will lose them all. I will watch them fall one by one, watch as the walls splatter with red crimson, watch as the lights leave their eyes…

No.

I won't let it happen. Not this time.

But what can I do? Everything I've tried was fruitless. Every single time, at least one person dies. Just when things seem to be going right…when they are so close…so very close, someone falls.

I bite my trembling lip as the tears spill from my stinging eyes. I sit on the wooden floor, my legs weak, and my body aching. Dark blood stains my clothing and drips on to the floor… the constant sound of the drops hitting the wood taunting me..

It's not my blood.

It's way too silent here.

The shadows dance around the corners of the room, swirling aimlessly and restlessly. I want nothing more than for the shadows to consume me whole and take me away from this place…take me anywhere…anywhere but here.

I can't go out there and face it. I can't bear it. I know that I'll have to turn the clock back once again. And when I do…when I do…

I'll do anything.

Anything to get them all out.

This is my battle.

This is only my battle.

The monster is after me specifically. The others don't deserve to be a part of this.

Next time, I can keep them all as oblivious as possible. I can find a way to get them out quickly and swiftly and then…tell them to run.

I'll stay here and let the monster take me.

It's just one life, isn't it? One measly sacrifice for the life of everyone else.

They'll heal. Even if we are humans here, we are nations out there.

Nations have a lot of other things to do. They'll soon forget about me. It'll be for the best.

I told them the truth this time. And they were so mad at me. Germany's face was so scary.

They all hate me. And they have every reason to.

So I'll just save everyone else the trouble and…and…

Yes, that is what I'll do next time. But first, I have to go and find that huge clock…

But I don't think I can bear going out there.

The very thought makes my heart stop beating.

I know what I'll see.

There'll be a lot of blood.

Blood on the walls, blood on the floor, blood spilling down the stairs like a river…

Everything white will be scarlet.

There'll be that foul stench in the air.

There'll be that sense of morbid dread.

And I'll know…I'll know that they're gone.

Again.

My chests constricts violently at the thought and I squeeze my eyes shut. I go over it in my head.

This time loop has been an absolute disaster.

I don't even remember which number this is.

Russia, China, Japan, Prussia, America, and France are dead.

That is a confirmed fact.

Germany, England, and Canada are nowhere to be found.

And they could easily be dead as well.

I shake my head violently and force myself to stand up, my whole body trembling as I stare at the door that would take me from the solitude of this room.

I swallow the rest of my pain.

Suck it up Italy.

Some people are meant to be alone.

You are one of them.

However, before I can make any movement, the door opens with a loud bang.

I jump up in shock and immediately start to back up, my stomach turning unpleasantly, expecting to see the monster standing there with its empty black eyes as it gets ready to strike…

But no. It's not the thing.

It's England.

I am numb as I watch him stumble in to the room. He shuts the door behind him and frantically locks it, his breathing ragged and uneven.

He is drenched in blood.

It stains his blonde hair and drips from his clothes. It covers his face and his neck, his fingers…everywhere.

His movements are slow and labored. He looks up at me, his green eyes wide…but fading.

And judging by the deep slashes across his chest and all down his arms and legs…the blood is his.

I know that he is dying.

"E-England…" I croak, feeling the violent urge to vomit overtake me.

England limps toward me, slowly…his breathing growing more and more ragged. I know that I should support him, but I can't get myself to move.

He collapses at my feet.

I quickly get on both knees and reach out with my own bloodstained hands to support his head. I watch in horror as he gives me a grim smile.

His mouth moves, and his words come out breathless and faint.

"I-I'm…sorry…I-Italy."

A fresh wave of tears spill from my eyes as panic seizes me. No…no, I can't handle this. I can't do this…

I keep my mouth closed.

"C-Canada….and…Germany….are d-dead. I…barely…escaped….b-but…I-I…I'm sorry…I…have to…go as well, I'm…afraid…"

He makes a horrible sound that sounds like a cross between a sob and a laugh.

"N-No, England…I'll get you out. I'll get you all out next time, I promise. I'll just go back…" I choke out maniacally.

But England just continues to look at me with a small smile on his face, though his eyes are slowly dulling…

"I-Italy…"

I let out a shaky breath.

He continues.

"P-Promise m-me next time that…that y-you'll tell u-us everything. W-when…you…turn…back t-time…d-don't be afraid t-to…"

My breath hitches. How does England know that I can turn back time?

I want to question him, but I know that it wouldn't be any use. He's fading away so quickly.

"N-No one…ever…blamed you. Y-You're…biggest mistake…is that y-you're…trying to do…this a-all on y-your…own. W-We're…your…friends…aren't we?"

England grips the hem of my shirt, pulling me closer to him. He looks straight into my eyes and whispers with all the strength he has left.

"You've n-never been alone. Look… around… yourself…"

I'm numb as I stare at England…watching as his life slips away right before my eyes. Just like last time.

I see the light fade from his eyes…see the remainder of any color in his skin leave…

And then he's gone.

His empty eyes stare up at me.

I start to sob uncontrollably before my mind can function. And when my mind starts to function, I force myself to stop.

But the tears won't stop spilling.

I am surrounded by blood. So much blood…

I carefully stoke away some of the stray hairs from England's face and gently reach out to close his eyelids. I close my own eyes and offer up a quick prayer…

To whom? I don't know anymore.

They're all gone.

But something else is bothering me. I look back down at England's lifeless face.

His words start to repeat over and over in my head like a broken tape recorder.

_You've never been alone. Look around yourself._

_You've never been alone. Look around yourself._

_You've never been alone. Look around yourself._

_Look around yourself._

I subconsciously look around the room.

There is no one here. There is nothing but darkness and heavy silence.

But England's words start up again, clearer than before.

And I see it.

It's illusive, yet lucid…hazy, yet solid…

I don't understand it.

But I know they're here.

I can see Japan smiling calmly at me, his eyes twinkling gently as he gently stretches his hand toward me.

Then, there's Prussia, his red eyes glinting deviously and his smirk prominent on his face. He also has his hand outstretched toward me.

France...gently offering me his hand as he gives a small wink…

Russia…even with that eerie smile has his hand outstretched…

America with his wide grin…

Canada with his modest one…

China with his reserved expression…

England with his intelligent face…

And then Germany…his smile the brightest of all of them…his face glowing and his eyes sparkling.

I'm not alone.

I close my eyes for a second and open them.

I can't see them anymore, but I can still feel their presence around me. The air is lighter and I am no longer crying.

"Stay with me," I whisper to the air, knowing that they'll hear me.

I gently move England's body away from my lap and stand up. I wipe my blood stained hands on my pants and turn away from the pool of crimson.

When you go back in time, your memories will become hazy. You won't remember everything. You'll go back to thinking that you are alone again…that only you can figure this out.

The air around me swirls gently and I breathe in, the air filling my lungs.

I sit down at the small wooden table and grab a stray piece of paper and a pen.

Immediately, I start to write.  
><em><br>To the me who lives at some point in time and who isn't alone…_

I pause for a second, biting my lip in hesitation. But I let myself continue anyways…

_Once again I made some mistakes, and also some progress. Meanwhile…_

I can see their faces, all smiling at me gently…reassuringly…

_…I finally but slowly began to learn to rely on my friends. I was constantly afraid that everyone would blame me for dragging them into this, and that they would hate me or be appalled at me or get mad at me and leave me…_

England's face fills my mind as he breathed his last, that small smile on his lips…reassuring me that I wasn't alone…

_…But then I was told that I had the wrong idea. They were…_

I gulp before I continue to write…

_…very mad at me. It hurt so much. Not that they hit me, but it really hurt. I finally figured it out, but I can't pass this memory on to my next self. Unfortunately I'll lose my life yet again. That's why I'm writing a letter._

I shudder as I feel the tears start to spill once more. I quickly wipe them, and then look back at England's lifeless body. I breath out shakily before turning back to the letter.

_Say thanks to England._

I pause for a second, before continuing…

_And tell them the truth. I'm sure they'll get mad, but it's not that they hate you or think you're in pain. Why didn't you rely on your friends sooner? What are friends for? That's what they told me, and that's what they're going to tell you too. I'm sure I'll cry…and then…and then…_

I wipe my eyes once again as my body shakes with sobs.

Maybe…maybe…I'll let myself cry without restraint this time. Maybe…it's okay to cry…

I will get them out. No…I'll get out. We'll all get out.

And I won't have to do this alone.

We'll all laugh together. Work together. Fight together. Cry together…

I put the ballpoint of the pen on the paper once again.

_Look around yourself._


End file.
